Self-control. It’s a lot of different things all rolled into one term. It’s restraint in the face of provocation. It’s rejection at the point of temptation. It’s keeping your mouth shut when every fiber of your being is calling out for you to shout and scream. It’s your grandmother reminding you that if you can’t say anything good about the person, then don’t say anything at all. Self-control. The Greeks had a word for it, too. They called it “enkrateia.” It has to do with mastery…mastery or the lack of mastery over one’s tongue and one’s actions. Self control is the last of the six inner virtues that Paul names as the Fruit of the Spirit. It’s last but far from least.
In many ways, self-control is the key to unleashing the power of all the other virtues. If you don’t have self-control, you are not going to have enough patience for the situation you confront. If you don’t have patience, you won’t have enough kindness or gentleness. Then you can’t be as good or as faithful as you meant or need to be. If we can control our actions and reactions, many things are possible. If we cannot, well…it’s liable to become a long day.
Self control is not some abstract term peculiar to Christianity. Plato used the term with the ancient Greeks to define self-mastery, the trait we need to harness our desires, to keep our pursuit of pleasure at the appropriate level. The apostle Paul uses an athlete in 1 Cor. to illustrate his point. Paul says that athletes exercise self-control in all things in order to be able to compete and not be disqualified. He uses the word with modesty and later alongside holiness in I Timothy 2. He uses it beside power and love in 2 Timothy 1 and in 2 Timothy 2, Paul reminds us that the lack of self-control can result in slanderous talk that is harmful to others. 2 Peter tells us that the road to love requires self-control, and that it and other qualities help us from being ineffective and unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord (2 Peter 1:6-8).
I don’t want to be unfruitful, especially in the knowledge of my Lord. I want to bear fruit. But sometimes I feel like if I have to ignore one more act of immaturity, one more act of selfishness from someone close to me, I am going to implode. Sometimes I do. And every time, the result is the same. I am so unfruitful I feel like a prune. It’s not that I am wrong. It’s not that I don’t have every right to feel angry or hurt or slighted. It’s just that no matter what has been done or not done, said or withheld, losing my self-control shows my lack of knowledge of my Lord and, perhaps even more, it shows my lack of grasping what servant hood is all about. Losing control only hurts. It hurts the person targeted and it hurts me.
Thomas a Kempis once said that one should “be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.” Sad but so true. If we were to spend our time on that which is required for us to come to grips with our own emotions, our own stresses, we would have little trouble with those occasions where people do not act as we might want them to act. In the end it’s all about who we are, and the way someone else acts or fails to act is precious little justification for the behavior we exhibit in response.
We all admire those who can show restraint. What is it about those people who never seem to lose their temper, never seem to lose control? How do they do it? What is it inside them that makes them able to do that which we find so difficult. Sometimes, it’s as simple as the amount of the investment. If it’s your friend’s great-nephew visiting from North Dakota
In the book of Proverbs, the writer warns us that “a man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls” (Pro. 25: 28). Think of that in the context in which it was written. No ancient city would have left itself defenseless. Walls helped prevent cities from being taken over by enemies. They provided a safe haven for those who could come in from outside when under attack. Walls provided stability. Self-control does that for us in our behavior. When we find ourselves under attack, we can find stability and take refuge behind the walls of self-control. When we lose it, our defenses cave in and we are at the mercy of our base instincts. Don’t you know that Satan does so love that kind of company!
Theologian William Barclay tells us that “self control is the virtue which makes a man so master of himself that he is fit to be the servant of others.” While I would not ever dispute such a learned Christian, I would like to just add a bit. Yes, as Barclay says, self-control does indeed help make a man fit to serve others. Barclay also says that such control makes a man master of himself. What I would like to add, what I truly believe, is that such control, at least in the context of real servant-hood, is just not attainable except by the grace of God. We can do it, but not by ourselves. We can have self-control for a moment or an hour or even several days. But we cannot maintain it without the grace of God given through the Holy Spirit. This is the true way to self-control. Don’t even try to do it by yourself. Lay it at the feet of the Master. Then it is not only possible; it is a promise claimed. Try it. See what it can be like to finally have real self-control, compliments of the Holy Spirit.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.
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