Won Without A Word

                                       1 Peter 3: 1-9

 

 

          “You can be anything you want to be. You can do anything you set your mind to do.” That’s what my mom told me, not once or twice, but like a litany. I heard it so much that by the time I left high school, I think it was part of my DNA. Chances are you had a mother like that. Chances are you are a mother like that, because in addition to a thousand other similar exhortations, that’s what mothers say. They are the world’s original cheerleaders and they are still the best at it because they believe what they are saying. They believe in us.

As amazing as motherhood is, I could almost believe that it is something one can be taught like any other teachable skill. But then it would be a job, and Lord knows, motherhood is not a job. Motherhood is lots of things, but job is not one of its descriptions. Oh, it’s labor, all right, but that should not be confused with the term job. And besides, for most women in America today, motherhood is accomplished in tandem with an actual wage-paying job, a husband to whom that mother is a wife, and so many more unnamed tasks.

Proverbs 31 talks about a woman whose days start early and end late, about a woman who is trusted by her husband, who provides for her household, who reaches out her hands to the needy, whose strength and dignity are her clothing. Many generations have passed since the writing of that proverb, but such women are still found in abundance. Look around. Find a successful man. In most cases, you won’t have to look far to find a good woman, either his wife or his mother or both.

Right now, I’m looking at a room loaded with Proverbs 31 women. This church is full of women who have raised or are raising families, looking after husbands, holding down jobs, teaching Sunday school, doing community volunteering and performing a host of other tasks. They too rise early and go to bed late, filling their days well into the night with the tending to those whom they love.

It seems the special task of women to set the tone of families, to spin their energy in such a way that houses become homes, that the supper table becomes the confessional, that the den becomes sanctuary from the cruelties of the world outside. It is the peculiar province of the woman to make her man feel able to handle the world, to instill in her children the confidence that comes from unconditional love. If the family unit were shaped like a wheel with spokes, I suspect the lady of the house would be the hub.

Is such activity important in the family of God? The Apostle Paul thought so much of the value of wives that he listed rules for them in four different letters. In today’s scripture, the Apostle Peter does likewise. Many point to this passage as an example of prohibition of outward adornment by women. I would suggest that they read it again. Certainly Peter is concerned with adornment, but his emphasis is on internal adornment. He talks about character, about the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. He says that such a spirit is very precious in God’s sight. He points out that by being subject to their husbands, women convey to their men that strength that comes from voluntarily submitting in love. Such conduct will not go unnoticed. It is infectious. This degree of respect and purity is practically irresistible. Peter says that even for the man who is disobedient to God’s calling, such behavior by women can win [such men] without a word. This should come as no surprise to the Christian, for it is Jesus himself who set the benchmark for selfless submission born from love.

This week, I became a grandfather for the second time. On this Mother’s Day week, my youngest daughter gave birth to her first child, a son. I have had to watch her from afar this last eighteen months, as she traveled halfway around the world to marry the man she loved and to start their lives together. Through the miracle of modern technology, Cindy and I have been able to visit with them almost as though we were there. This week, I watched in amazement as my daughter did something so pure and tender in her first days of motherhood. She was resting in her hospital bed and her husband was awkwardly holding his new son. The baby was crying and wouldn’t stop. My son in law was anxious.  My daughter told him to remove his shirt. He did so and pulled his newborn son into the warmth of his naked skin. The baby settled down instantly. It was such a simple, yet profoundly humble act.

I saw the snapshot of my new grandson resting peacefully in the arms of my son in law and I was moved by such tenderness. Where did that wisdom come from? No one told my daughter to do that. That was such a thoughtful, instinctive suggestion. My son-in-law was also wise to follow it. That’s what Peter was talking about. Won without a word.

Most of you, particularly the men, may have heard the comments of Kevin Durant in his acceptance speech this week after he was named the consensus choice for MVP of the NBA. This twenty five year old man is blessed with physical gifts. He is seven feet tall and yet has made his career as a perimeter shooter. As unusual as this is, the fact that Durant is even in the NBA is much more improbable. He grew up in a Washington DC suburb with his older brother, the son of a single mother who had two children before the age of twenty one. Their entire existence was a struggle to put food on the table and shelter over their heads.

In his speech, Durant gave credit to God for his success. He said he understands that basketball is just a platform for him to inspire others to use their God-given talents. He also gave credit to his teammates and his coaches. But he reserved the best comments for last. They were all about his mother. Durant was emotional as he thanked his mother publicly for her drive, for her sacrifice and for her never ending love and belief in him. He called her the real MVP.

At first, it might seem telling that the Apostle Peter says six times as much to women as he does to men. But note that he begins verse 7 with the word “likewise.” It’s about the same as repeating the first six verses to the men. And Peter adds that the men are to live with these women in an understanding way, showing honor to them. He points out that they are weaker, but he is talking about physical, not emotional or intellectual, strength. Peter reminds the men that when it comes to God’s grace, women are co-heirs and suffer none of the prejudice found in the culture of the day.

The Greek language assigns gender to its nouns. We use pronouns to accomplish that purpose, but Greek uses pronouns sparingly. While God and Jesus are masculine in gender, the Holy Spirit is feminine. It’s just a language thing, but think about it. When you are conceived, it is the womb of your mother that nurses you to term. When you come into this world, it is the warmth and comfort of your mother that you first experience. And now, in your yearnings on this earth, when you are looking for the answers, searching for some comfort, it is the Holy Spirit who comes to your side, who pervades your heart, who calms your spirit. It seems appropriate for me to think of that spirit in the female form.

In the end, Peter reminds us, whether men or women, that it is God’s blessing to which we aspire. He gives us all five guidelines for life: unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. When you think about it, none of these things really require a lot of words. They are behaviors. They are attitudes. They are ways to live. They can keep us close to God, and they can win hearts to God. And really, just like Peter teaches us, they can win those hearts without a word by the conduct of their lives.